The Space Between

No this post isn't about Dave Matthews, sorry if that's what you were expecting. The "space between" that I'm talking about is the space between stimulus and response, and how you can use it in the best possible way. Let me explain...

Human beings have the unique ability to choose their response to any given stimulus,...but few people choose to actually use it. For most people, something happens either to them directly or through something in their environment and they immediately react to it in the way they have become accustomed to reacting to that type of stimulus. For instance, if a person is driving down a road and someone from the next lane over pulls in front of them quickly, close to their bumper, cutting them off...they immediately get really angry and flip them the bird, tailgate, honk their horn, or do something else that won't help the situation at all but will make them feel better because they did something about it even though what they did most likely didn't affect the other person in any significant way at all. But someone who is aware of the space between stimulus and response would behave differently. When someone cuts them off (the stimulus), they stop and think about how they want to react to the situation (their response). If they are in a good mood (which is also something you have control over...and I'll write about this in a future post), then they could try to find a good reason for the person cutting them off. Maybe they changed lanes so quickly because there was something in the road in their lane, or because someone who was in front of them stopped quickly, or they saw an animal on the side of the road that looked like it was about to dart into the road in their lane and they didn't want to hit it, or they needed to get into the turning lane quickly because they were about to miss their turn, or the person in front of them was going slowly and they were in a hurry because they just got a call that a loved one is in the emergency room. So then they could rationalize that one of those reasons is probably why the person cut them off rather than because they were just being rude, and wouldn't get mad about it but instead feel sorry for that person or nothing at all.

That was just one example, but there are countless more. You have always known that you can choose how you are going to respond to any stimulus that comes your way, but until now you may not have been consciously aware of it. So now that you are, pay attention, and use the space between stimulus and response to make decisions about how you are going to respond to a situation that will be beneficial for you and others rather than destructive. Don't let your environment and other people control how you act and react. Choose for yourself instead. If you do, it will be much easier for you to keep yourself on the road of success.

Make Good Use of Your Time

One of the things that successful people do is make better use of their time than others. There is a lot I could write about regarding this subject (and I'm sure I will in the future), but this particular post will be about one aspect of making better use of your time that you can start doing immediately and best of all, it's easy! Start using your downtime more productively.

For instance, you probably drive to work each day and listen to the radio or a music cd on the way. This is a major source of downtime. Instead of listening to the radio or a music cd, you could listen to a book on cd instead and be learning or at least expanding the list of books you've read and your vocabulary at the same time. So go to the library, check out a book on cd that seems interesting to you, and listen to that on your way to work and your way home from work each day. If you do this, you'll probably be able to go through a book each week and will have read (listened to) 52 more books than you normally would have read in the next year. This will make you one of the most well-read people in the world in just a few years.

Another source of downtime is your lunchbreak at work. You could spend that time with friends who are co-workers or reading a magazine or newspaper or something of course, but you could also spend that time with someone that you don't yet know very well at your workplace. By inviting someone you don't yet know to lunch, you will get to know more people at your workplace, increasing your network. It would be especially beneficial to invite an influential person to lunch, that may be able to help you in the future. They will be much more likely to help you in the future if they know who you are and have a relationship with you, even if it's just from having had lunch with you once in a while. By expanding your network in this way, you will be setting yourself up for greater success in your job and your future ambitions concerning your career.

Another area in which you have downtime is when ou are waiting in line or waiting in general for some other reason. If you always carry a book with you, then you could read during the time you're waiting so you would be making much better use of your time than if you were just sitting or standing there, not doing anything. You could even go so far as to get a palm pilot or other handheld device that you can keep in your pocket to keep electronic copies of books on to read anywhere, anytime.

There are countless examples of downtime most people have that could be used in a better way. Pay attention to the downtime you have in your life, and start making better use of it. It's one of the many simple little things that you can do that will make a big difference in helping you achieve the level of success in your life more quickly and easily.

Find Some Mentors

My sister recently told me that she wanted to start doing something to change herself in a positive way, and asked me what I thought she should do as a first step. This was something I had to think about for a couple of days, but when I came up with an answer, I decided that it would be a good thing to write a blog about since it's one of the most important things you can doto aid your trip called life on the road of success. What I told her (in many more words), was to find a mentor.

A mentor is a person who you trust, respect, admire, and that has a good set of morals and values. This person must also be someone who will look out for your best interests and genuinly care about your well being, and of course they also have to agree to being your mentor. This will be the driver's training instructor sitting in the passenger seat while you start your journey on the road of success.

When you are beginning to travel on this road for the first time, you will need someone to guide you and tell you where to go, how to get there, how fast to go, and generally help you out as you begin driving on this sometimes treacherous road. As time passses and you are getting the hang of it, you won't need a driving instructor to sit in your pasenger side seat anymore. But you will still need someone to call on for advice when you aren't sure about the next turn to make, or what the speed limit is, and someone to tell you where you should be going next and how to get there as quickly as possible. This is when your mentor will transition from the driver's training instructor to the person on the other end of the line when you push the Onstar button in your car. You won't need them as often as you did when you first began your trip, but when you do need them they will be available to help you get to where you want to go and avoid the dead ends, construction delays, and traffic jams that you don't know about.

You don't have to limit yourslef to only one mentor either. You can and should find a mentor for each area of your life that you want to be successful in (which should be every area that you think is important - marriage, parenting, career, spirituality, etc.). Find people who are already successful in these areas and ask them to mentor you, or just copy what they do/have done. Why re-invent the wheel if the drawings and materials are already available for you and all you have to do is ask for the directions. If it's already been done and it works well, use it! That way you can save time and work on improving it instead!

So find a mentor, or a bunch of mentors! Meet with them often and regularly at first for a while to develop a good relationship with them. Then you can start to ease off on the frequency but definitely make sure to stay in regular contact with them because they are sources of knowledge about how to make the wheels, install them on you car, and get you where you need and want to go.

Start with just one mentor at first. You'll soon see how valuable this type of relationship can be and I won't need to try to convince you to find more for other areas of your life because you'll want to yourself! Try it, you'll see...

Self-Talk

This is not going to be a blog about positive affirmations and how you should say something like "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn-it people like me," so relax. This is about something much more subtle and practical than that. What I'm going to talk about is that little voice in your head that comes from your thoughts.

All day, every day, you talk to yourself. Now obviously I don't mean that you talk to yourself aloud all day, I mean your thoughts and what you "say" to yourself in your thoughts. Think about it, what do you say to yourself throughout the day on a normal day? What do you say when you first wake up? Is it something like "I really don't want to go to work today," or something like "I can't wait to get started on ____ today," or something else? What do you say to yourself when your plans get ruined and there's nothing you can do about it? Do you get frustrated and mad at the world? Or do you see it as an opportunity to come up with a better plan? What do you say to yourself when you make a mistake? Do you call yourself stupid, or tell yourself that now you know what not to do in that situation in the future and now you're smarter than before?

How you talk to yourself has a large impact on your self-esteem, especially since the person you communicate with the most every single day is yourself. Since that's the case, shouldn't you make sure you are having good conversations with yourself? Start paying attention to how you talk to yourself every day... If you notice that you talk to yourself in a negative way, STOP IT! Make an effort to talk to yourself in a more positive, optimistic, productive way - it makes a huge difference in how you feel about yourself regarding your confidence, self-worth, and overall self-esteem.

The Importance of Exercise

That's right,...exercise. I know, I know you don't want to hear it. Well keep reading anyway!

If you are like most people, you don't like to exercise. WRONG! You do too like to exercise, you just don't know it yet! You just think you don't like to exercise because you've never done it consistently enough to see the benefits that come with it. Yeah sure, you may have done some exercise while dieting or something like that so you could lose those last 5 or 10 lbs before your first trip to the beach, or some other similar reason. But I bet after you lost that weight (or for many of you, before you even reached your goal) you stopped exercising. That's unfortunate...

There are so many benefits you get from exercising, that it's amazing that so many people don't do it! Of course you all know that when you exercise, you will probably lose weight too and that's the only reason most people do it. But there are so many other benefits to exercising that you might not be aware of, so I'll fill you in real quick. Here are some of the other benefits to exercising that most people don't usually think about:

• It makes you breathe harder than normal, which makes you breathe from your core by using your diaphram, which get the lymph fluid in your body moving, which helps remove toxins from your body, which improves your immune system and how you feel in general.


• Breathing harder also increases the amount of oxygen in your blood, which allows more oxygen to get to not only your muscles but you brain too, which helps your brain work better.


• It improves the efficiency of your lungs to be able to extract oxygen from the air you breathe. This is called your VO2 level. As this increases (your lungs become more efficient), your normal breathing patterns slow since you don't need to take in as much air to get the same amount of oxygen into your blood. This also makes your heart not have to work as hard so your heartrate will slow down.


• Increased oxygen in your bloodstream happens because when you are exercising and your muscles are demanding more oxygen than normal, your body responds by creating more red blood cells that can carry more oxygen through your body. This then improves your blood pressure as well as your body's ability to deliver oxygen to your muscles and your brain.


• Exercise makes your muscles work harder than they normally do, which breaks them down. This makes your muscles rebuild themselves to be stronger and more powerful than before.


• It puts a larger strain on your bones than normal, which makes them become more dense and therefore stronger, preventing osteoperosis, improving posture and strength.

Those are just the reasons that I know of myself with no medical education (besides a few books I've rented and read from the library in the past). But even these reasons should be enough to convince you that exercising is well worth the effort. Not only will you improve your health, but you'll feel better, have more energy, and your brain will work better too!

It may be difficult at first to make yourself start exercising on a regular basis. So what? Do it anway! After you have exrecised regularly a few times, it'll get easier. As you continue to exercise on a regular basis, you will notice that you feel better, have more energy, and it won't be as difficult to "make yourself" go exercise as it was in the beginning. Eventually, you will begin to look forward to exercising! I'm sure you know of at least one person who runs on a regular basis and says it's because they like it. This is a common phenominon. When you exercise regularly for a while, you get addicted to it. But that's okay because this is a good addiction (as long as you don't go overboard of course...as they say too much of any good thing can still be bad for you).

So go start exercising on a regular basis. If it's tough at first, stick to it anyway! You're worth it, and you will be very happy you did! And if you already exercise on a regular basis, then let me congratulate you for being awesome! Keep it up!!! =)

Goals

Almost every self improvement book, book on management or leadership, or other type of inspirational book talks about the importance of setting goals. If you don't set goals, you have nothing to shoot for and you won't know how you are doing in your progress to become the person you want to be and have the things you want to have. You won't know how much you have achieved already because you don't have the knowledge of having set and achieved a specific goal. And you won't know what you should be working toward because you don't have a clear picture of what you want to accomplish or obtain. So obviously setting goals is important and everyone knows it, but how many people actually do it? Do you? If not, start now! Grab a few pieces of paper and write down headings of 1 month, 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years, and 25 years. Then start with the 1 month section and set some goals for yourself for the next month. When you have a few of those, move on to the 1 year, 3 year, and so on. After you get all the way through the 25 year goals, read the 25 year goals again and figure out how you could break them down into smaller goals and put those down in the 10 year, 5 year, etc. sections. Then you will have a great set of goals to start focusing on. They don't have to be perfect, just do it - you can always refine them later.

Now if you do already have some goals written down, do you actually pay attention to them? Can you name them off the top of your head? How many of them are you close to achieving? What are you planning on doing next week to bring you closer to achieving some of them? You have to keep your goals (especially your short-term goals) in front of you constantly. If you do this, you will read them so many times, and think about them so much that you will think of new and better ways to reach them, and they will become more and more real to you which will help you achieve them faster!

There is a danger to living your life in a way that focuses too much on the achievement of goals though. If you only do things in order to achieve goals, you will miss out on all of the fun and opportunities for growth along the way. You will be a human doing instead of a human being.

It's important to set clear, measurable goals with deadlines for their realization so you know what to focus on, but you must always keep everything in perspective as well. Don't get caught up in doing only things that will help you achieve your goals, but definitely pay attention to your goals and plan on doing things each day or week that will bring you closer to achieving them. It's like everything else in life, you have to have a balance between living your life and enjoying it and setting, working towards, and achieving goals in order to become more successful. Enjoy the ride as you work toward your goals and it won't seem like work. If you always focus on what the next thing you need to do in order to achieve a particular goals is, then you will get stressed out, you won't enjoy the journey, and then when you reach that goal you won't be happy because after the initial sense of achievement wears off "you'll think is this all there is?"

So once again, set goals and make them goals that will help you become who you want to be, but don't live for your goals. Keep them in front of you so you read them at least once a day and work toward attaining them, but not to the point that you exclude other things (like spending time with your family, friends, or yourself). Goals are important, they can help you achieve amazing things and become a great person who is successful and happy as long as you use them as tools to help you focus on what's next instead of focusing on them as if they are all that matter. Don't make the goals your whole focus, just include them in your plans and use them to help you focus more specifically on what you need to do to grow and become more and more successful. If you make sure to enjoy the time and experiences you go through while working toward attaining your goals, then you will be a happy, successful person while you work towards achieving those goals, and even more so afterwords. Don't be a human doing,...be a human being. Be a success while working to become even more successful.

Be Thankful

Being the Thanksgiving weekend and all, I figured it would be appropriate to blog about gratitude today. Gratitude is an amazing emotion. It's one of the most powerful emotions that we can experience, and it is also one of the most important.

When you are experiencing feelings of gratitude, you are simultaneously happy, generous, content, and fulfilled. You are in a better mood overall when you feel thankful for what you have. Since you are in a better mood, you will naturally be happier, more optimistic, and will treat people better overall. This will make other people like you more too of course which can only help you on your journey of success.

One of the areas of success is wealth. But wealth isn't just having a lot of money. Wealth is being grateful for what you have and being able to enjoy it. So to be wealthy, you first have to be healthy. If you are healthy then you will be wealthy if you feel thankful for and enjoy the things you have. You don't have to have a lot, it all depends on how you look at your life and what you do have. If you life in the United States, you are almost definitely wealthy, no matter how much money you have. The fact that you are free to do whatever you want and say whatever you want (as long as you don't violate other's rights), makes you more privelaged than billions of others in the world who don't have the same freedom. You have a place to live that is more than just a mud hut, you have indoor plumbing, electricity, and many changes of clothes. If you have these things (which you almost definitely do if you live in the United States, and especially if you are reading since that means you also have access to a computer and the internet), then you are easily in the top 5% of people in the world in terms of wealth. So if you don't think of yourself as wealthy, you should reevaluate how you look at your life. If you don't think you are already wealthy, then you won't feel like you are either. If you are on of these people, the reason you don't think you are wealthy is not because you really aren't, we've already gone over that - it's because you are just being greedy. What, am I not supposed to tell the truth? Just because you might not like to hear it doesn't mean it's not true.

We all know that we really are wealthy. We may want to become even more wealthy, and there's nothing wrong with that as long as you aren't doing it because you love money. The problem is that most of us focus on the things we don't have instead of all of the things we do have. So we don't always feel grateful for the things we already have because we are focusing on the wrong things. That's an easy thing to remedy. You can do it by taking some time every day to just sit and think about all of the things you do have that you are grateful for. Ideally, you would do this during part of your hour of power each morning. That will set you up to have a successful day! Another thing you can do is to keep something small in your pocket that will remind you to be grateful for all of the things you have in your life. In the video "The Secret" one person keeps a rock in his pocket that he calls a "gratitude rock." That was a good idea I thought so I do the same thing. What are you going to do? Or what do you do already?

Environment

Today I thought I'd write about the importance of your environment. Now I'm not talking about the grass and trees in your neighborhood, I'm talking about the people you have around you on a consistent basis - your social environment.

I'm sure you know the old saying "birds of a feather, flock together." Well that saying is true to a point, but it's incomplete. It should be something more like "birds of a feather, flock together - and so do the other birds that are in the same tree." I know it's not as catchy, but it gets to the heart of the point I'm trying to make.

Have you ever noticed how when you are around someone who is really happy, you get happy too? Or if you are around someone who is really sad, your mood starts to drop as well. Well this doesn't just happen with your mood, it also happens with how you look at everything in your life. Who you hang out with determines what your paradigm is. It effects your level of ambition, sense of self-worth, how optimistic or pessimistic you are, and even your beliefs and values which as we all know is what all of your decisions in life are based on in the first place. So why would you hang out with people who aren't the highest caliber, most successful, respectable, all-around good people that you can find?

Pretend that you could actually measure how closely a person is to living up to their ultimate potential, and then score it on a scale from 0 (not at all) to 10 (completely living up to their full potential). Now I know that you couldn't be at zero or else you'd be dead, and you couldn't be at 10 either because there's always something else you could improve on, but this is just a hypothetical so bare with me. Now, say you are at level 7 right now. If you hang out with people who are only at level 4, then what's most likely going to happen is that you will eventually (but still pretty quickly) match up to each other's level and end up all being somewhere around level 5. You will bring them up a little bit, but it is much easier to be negative, irresponsible, lazy, and pessimistic than it is to be positive, responsible, energetic, and optimistic so your level will go down a lot faster than the level of the people you hand out with will go up. The amount of people also matters, but still follows the same basic rule. If you hang out with a bunch of people (say old friends from high school) who are at level 4, and a couple others (say at work) who are at level 8, then your level will still go down, just not as quickly or not as much. The amount of time you spend with the different people also matters in the same way, so the more time you spend with specific people, the more quickly and higher or lower your level of living up to your potential will be. So obviously this could turn into a pretty complicated calculation if you hang out with a lot of different people who are all at different levels, and for different amounts of time. But thankfully, the concept is simple and easy to understand, so there is an easy solution to determing what you should do. I bet you can figure it out! .....Exactly!

• All you have to do is minimize the amount of people who are at low levels that you need to associate with as well as the time you spend with those people, and maximize the number of people that you associate with who are at high levels and spend as much time with them as possible.

I told you it was simple. It may not be easy...very often the people who are at low levels are long-time friends, family members, or co-workers. But at least you know who you should be hanging out with and how much you should be hanging out with them. It's up to you to determine how to accomplish the bullet point above. But let me assure you, it'll be well worth it! Do it! And the sooner, the better!

Recharging & Energizing Your Life

Almost all of the most widely known, well-respected people who have written self-improvement books speak of the importance of taking time out for yourself each and every day to recharge and energize yourself. Not that my input matters much but I agree with them whole-heartedly!

Stephen Covey calls it "sharpening the saw," Anthony Robbins calls it your "hour of power," and many others talk about how important it is to take time (usually recommending an hour) at the beginning of your day to do things that will help you improve yourself. During this hour, you should exercise, read, set goals and plan how to you can achieve them, pray, meditate, reflect on your life and determine things you may want to change, visualize the things you want whether they be physical things or things like performing well in a sporting event, speech, work, etc. The consensus seems to be that it doesn't matter so much what you do during this time, as long as it is something that energizes you, and makes you feel happier, healthier, and just better overall.

When you do this as the first thing you do in the morning, it changes your whole day! You feel awake, energized, and happy instead of tired, lethargic, and not particularly happy as most people start their day. You won't need to drink a pot of coffee before work to "get yourself going." You will treat people better, you'll be more productive, and you'll be improving your own life by improving your body (physical health) and mind (mental and spiritual health). It's a win/win!

It may be difficult to get up early at first in order to do this. But if you make it important enough to yourself you can do it. To make it a little easier, start with just 15 minutes. Then as you notice how you feel better each day as a result of the time you spend during those 15 minutes each morning, you will want to make it 30 minutes, then 45 minutes, and then an hour. Eventually you'll look forward to getting up in the morning so you can spend that hour on yourself! I know...I'm not a morning person either, but believe me, just getting yourself to start doing this is the hardest part - after that it gets easier and easier until it's something you don't even have to try to do anymore because you can't wait to do it each morning and as soon as the alarm goes off you'll pop up and hop out of bed so you can get started! It's a great feeling, and it has unbelievably wide-reaching benefits that stretch into all areas of your life. Don't be surprised when people notice the difference in you and comment on it. It will improve every aspect of your life. If you don't believe me, try it for a month and then if you can honestly tell me it's not benefiting you I'll believe you...maybe..

Who Am I To Be Giving Advice?

Good question!

I was thinking earlier today about how I'm posting blogs with advice about what the road of success is and how to get onto it and stay on it, but then I thought....you're probably wondering "why should you take his advice?" That's what I would be thinking if I didn't know me. So for those of you who do know me, hopefully you think enough of me to think my advice is worth taking...or at least taking into consideration. And really that's all I ask of you. I don't want anyone to just blindly take my advice, I'd rather you take it into consideration, and then decide for yourself if you agree or not.

So who am I to be giving advice about success? I'm not rich, I'm not famous, I don't have a lifetime of experience behind me to prove my points, and I don't have a Ph.D. in anything (not yet anyway). So why should you take my advice? Well, I'll tell you why...

First of all, as I said before, I only want you to take my advice into consideration. Then after you think about it yourself and how it could apply to your life, you can decide for yourself if it makes sense to you and if you believe it, and want to do it - or not.

Now that I've gotten that disclaimer out of the way, I'll tell you why I think my advice is worth taking into consideration in the first place. There are two main reasons. The first reason is because I read a lot, have had many different experiences in my own life already, and I think about the things I talk about in my blogs a lot before I write them (and apply them to my own life too of course). Now I may not be the most eloquent writer, and I might not write as clearly as a professional author would, but I do think a lot about the things I write about a lot before I write them, and I try to make what I write pretty easy to follow and understand. Since I read a lot, I get many ideas about the same things from many different people (some of whom have spent decades doing research, and do have a lifetime of experience behind them). So I take all of the different things I read about into consideration when I am determining what I believe is the best, or the correct way, etc., and that's what I apply to my own life and that's what I write down in my blogs. This type of reading I am talking about is called synoptic reading. It's one of my favorite ways of learning about a specific subject because it allows you to get many different viewpoints, see what is widely agreed upon and what is controversial, see how the subject you are reading about relates to other things and they to it, and develop a better understanding overall of the subject so you can decide for yourself what is correct or the best way to do something, or what you should and shouldn't believe about the subject in question. So by reading my blogs and taking my advice into consideration, you get the benefit of this type of reading (synoptic reading) without having to read everything yourself. Now I have to admit that obviously the things I write are what I have decided was right or the best way or whatever, and therefore still a biased view; but it's still useful.

The other main reason I think my advice is worth taking into consideration is because of the type of person I am. I am a successful person (at least as far as my definition of success is concerned). My definition of success is when a person has made the decision to travel down the road of success, to stay on that road for the rest of their lives, and to be happy and enjoy the journey. This means that they are consistently and constantly trying to improve themselves and every area of their lives, and will keep trying to for their entire lives. This is exactly what I have done, and will continue to do; therefore, I am a success.

Since I decided to travel down the road of success I have improved my relationships with my friends and family, I have graduated from the University of Notre Dame even after having to go through many tough times during my college career dealing with less than desireable grades, family getting cancer, financial problems with paying for my schooling, and other challenges in my personal life. I even had one class remaining after I had already "graduated" that I needed to take before I could receive my degree due to things that were out of my control. I did. I have successfully completed the United States Marine Corps Officer Candidate School program even though I wasn't in great physical shape when I went, and had to convince a board of high ranking marines why I should stay in the program twice even though I wasn't in the top half of the class as far as physical ability. In fact, about 65% of the people who started the program at the same time I did, either chose to leave or were forced to leave before completing the program because they weren't thought to be up to the Marine Corps Officer standard. I have gotten better and better jobs even though I didn't have all of the "required" experience for my current job when I began, or the job I had before, and even though I was unexpectedly laid off from my last job a month before my wedding day because the company decided to move 80% of the work to their China facility to save money. Now I am married to a beautiful woman who I love very much, I see my kids more often than I used to be able to, I like my job, and I am back in school working towards getting an MBA.

I'm not trying to brag about myself by telling you this. I think that almost anyone can and could do what I have done if they had enough drive to succeed, enough persistance, and enough faith. I believe I can do anything I put my mind to with enough time and effort. And so can you!

It's worked so far in my life, and as I learn more it'll just keep getting better and better! And I want to take the people I know and care about (and even people that I don't know but are good people) along for the ride! That's why I think you should at least take my advice into consideration, decide if you agree with them or not, and decide for yourself if you will apply it to your life and join me on the road of success - or not.

Changing Your Values

As I mentioned in my last blog, I believe that all of the decisions you make can be explained by what your values are. Really, I should have said values and beliefs because they aren't necessarily the same thing, but they serve the same purpose and both govern your decisions. I also mentioned that there was a list of values that I thought were ones that every person should have. Here is that list of values and beliefs I mentioned (in no particular order):

• Heath
• Faith
• Persistance
• Integrity
• Courage
• Honesty
• Respectfulness
• Responsibility
• Self-Confidence
• Freedom
• Creativity
• Justice/Fairness
• Trust & Trustworthiness
• Intelligence & Life-Long Learning
• You have the ability to choose how you will react/respond to any situation.
• Hurting others is wrong.
• Help others when you can.
• Men and women are equals.
• Treat others as you would like to be treated.
• Be quick to forgive others.
• Don't judge a book by it's cover.
• Stealing is wrong.
• Loyalty
• Family
• Optimism
• Wisdom

Now I have to say that I'm sure I haven't covered every single good value or belief that is worth having, but each value and belief on this list is one that you need to have in order to stay on the road to success.

I've already explained one way of figuring out what your values are - just by asking yourself why you do something or another over and over until you get to the reason, which will always be because it lines up with a value or belief you have on the list in your mind. But how can you add or remove values from your list, or change the order of them?

Changing the order of the values that you already have on your list is pretty simple. First, write each one down on a notecard or post-it note. Then grab two of them and ask yourself "which one is more important to me?" Whichever one is more important, put down and put the other one down to the right of it. Then pick up another one and compare that to the left-most one. If it is more important, put that one down as you most left-most one, and if not then ask the same question about that one and the next one to the right, and place it down according to what you decide. Keep doing this with every card or post-it until you have placed them all down in order of importance as you see them from left to right. Then you will know what order of importance you hold each value in comparison to the others.

The next step is to decide if that order of importance is the best order of importance. If you look at one of them and decide that integrity should be more important than optimism for example, but you have optimism as a higher level of importance than optimism then this is how you can change that. Get a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle of the page and write optimism at the top of one side and integrity at the top of the other. Then ask yourself the question "why is optimism more important than integrity?" and write as many answers as you can think about under "optimism." And ask the opposite question "why is integrity more important than optimism?" and write those answers under "integrity." When you can't think of any more reasons for either side, then count which side has more reasons written on it and you'll know which one is really more important to you. The only way to change the order of importance is to have more reasons why one is more important than the other. So if you can't think of enough reasons to change the order of importance of one of your values compared to another, then you will have to get more reasons somehow. The best way to do this is to ask other people the same question and as you get answers you hadn't thought of yourself you will get to the point where you have enough to convince yourself that, that value or belief is more important than the other. If you can't find enough reasons even asking other people, then you probably shouldn't try to change the order of importance of those values because they're already in the best order. Doing all of this may take a while, but it is simple and effective.

Adding values to your list can be similarly done. All you have to do is write down as many reasons why it would be a good value to have. I recommend at least 10 reasons. The more important you think the value is, the more reasons you should try to come up with because the more reasons you come up with, the more important it will be to you and the faster this value will take hold on your subconscious mind and begin to affect your decisions. Also, the more you review this list, the faster it will take hold as well until eventually you won't need to review the list at all anymore because it'll already be a part of your list of values.

To take a value off of your list you may think that all you have to do is think of reasons why it's not a good value to have. This will work, but what will work even better is if instead of just trying to take this value off of your list, you replace it with the opposite value. Or by replacing it with a value that is in line with why you think you shouldn't take the value in question off of your list. For example if one of your values is that you always have to be right, you could find a bunch of reasons why it may not be good to have the value. But it would work better if you tried to replace that value with the value of "finding the best solution is what's really important.' Or if the reason you think you should change that value is because it causes you to argue with others over small issues, then you should replace that value with the value of "understanding and respecting others opinions is more important than trying to prove you're right," or something like that. The way you do this is by creating a list of reasons like before.

Another way to help yourself add, remove, or change your values is to link pleasure to the value you want and pain to the other or the opposite or to not having that value. This can be done by using your memory along with visualization and imagination. This is something that is part of something called Neuro-Associative Conditioning developed by Anthony Robbins. I'll explain it in a future blog, but if you don't want to wait, check out this link.

It may take some time, but evaluating what your values are, whether you should add or replace some, and whether they are in the right order for you is definitely worth the time because it determines how you will make virtually every decision, each day of your life. I encourage you to take the time to do this evaluation so it will be easier for you to stay on the road of success!

Values

I wanted to talk a little about values today. I don't have time to write as much as I want to right now but I wanted to write at least a little bit now so you can see what will be coming soon. I am convinced that there is nothing that is more influential in your life than what your values are, and more specifically what order of importance each of those values is in.

The main reason I believe this is because I have come to realize that I ask someone (or myself) enough questions that start with "why" about why they did or didn't do something, the fundamental reason always comes back to one of their values. Try it on yourself now. What is something that you've done recently? Why did you do that? Why is that? And why is that? Keep asking yourself "why" until you get to the point where you can't ask why anymore because you've gotten to the fundamental reason and you can't ask why anymore because you'll just keep getting the same answer. You'll find that your fundamental reason is always based one or more of your values. This is true for all of the decisions you make, large or small, important or unimportant, complex or simple - and most importantly, conscious or unconscious.

Since this is the case, it is extremely important to determine exactly what your values are and be conscious of them. You need to know what your values are, so you can consciously think about them and if they are really the values you should have, and if they are in the order of importance that they should be in. That way, if your values aren't the ideal set or in the ideal order of importance, you can decide to change the order, or add or eliminate some of them from the values list in your mind that controls your life and every decision you make everyday.

So what are your values? Are they the values you want? Are there some values you don't have that you think you should have? What order are those values in? Are they in the right order? Think about it...really think about it. It's worth however long it will take you to really determine what your values are, what order they are in, and what needs to be changed.

In my next blog, I'll post a comprehensive list of good values that I feel you should have on your list. I'll also tell you how to add values to your list, subtract values from your list, and change the order of your values to match what you want them to be.

Why the road "of" instead of "to" success?

At the end of my junior year of high school, for the first time, I began to really reflect on how my life had been going and what I wanted it to be like in the future. It was then that I decided that there was no other choice but to be successful. I come from a lower middle class, single parent family who have faced many hard times. But I've also had some great people in my life who have helped shape my morals, values, and beliefs in such a way that I know I can accomplish anything I decide to do. That being the case, I have decided that I want to be the type of person who others look up to and respect. I want to possess all of the good qualities of the people who I admire and respect, and get rid of any of the undesirable qualities I may have developed. When people think of me, I want them to think of someone who is intelligent, honest, ambitious, persistent, respectful and respectable, reliable, trustworth, humorous, strong, courageous, empathetic, sincere, creative, generous, optimistic person who has the utmost integrity. 

In order to make that happen, I know that I must continously work on making myself just a little bit better each and every day. To that end, I have embarked on a quest for knowledge about everything that makes a person great, in order to one day become great myself. As long as I continue on that course, I will be on the road to becoming successful.

Now this road I'm on isn't the road to success, because if it were then I could get to the end and I'd be done. That's not what I want. Let me explain...

The way I see it, there many roads to success, but only one road of success. The roads to success are ones where if you work hard enough, you'll eventually arrive at your destination and be successful - at least in that part of your life. For example, if you are on the road to financial success, depending on how you define that, you can almost definitely get there as long as you do what you need to do to accumulate the amount of money you decide will mean you are financially successful. But then what? You have nowhere to go from there, because you've already reached the end of the road. Or if you want to be a success in your career, you can do what needs to be done in order to rise to the level you decide you need to be at to be considered a success. But then once again, you have reached the end of your road. There are countless examples of people who do determine that they are going to go down one or another road to success and when they get to the end and are successful, they will be happy and fulfilled...but when they do get to the end of the road and they are successful, it's not all they hoped it would be - they still feel like something is missing. That's because they were on the wrong road, they were on the road to success instead of being on the road of success.

See the road of success is different than the road to success. There are many roads to success, and they're all better than the roads that lead to failure. However, they all have one problem - that is that they all end and leave you wanting more. Plus, you have to wait until you get to the end until you feel like you are finally successful. The road of sucess is different because there is only one, and the minute you decide to start down it, you feel like you are a success. The road of success is the best road to be on because it doesn't have an end so you'll never get to the end and be dissappointed because you still want more. What's even better is that once you decide to start going down that road, since it is the road of success, you are already a success simply by being on that road and as you continue on it you will become more and more successful. 

The road of succes is also a lot bigger than any of the roads to success. It encompasses every area of your life rather than just one. It will lead you to be better in your job, your relationships, your finances, your spirituality, your intelligence, and every other aspect of your life! You will never reach the end, because there is no end! You can never be the best at everything, so you always have something to work towards and get better at! This is the only road that is worth driving down because it's the only one that will lead you to be the very best you can be in every area of your life...and that's why I decided that it's the one I am going to be on for the rest of my life.

There are only two reasons why most people who want to be successful choose not to go down one of the roads to success instead of the road of success. The first and most common is because they don't know the difference. That is unfortunate to say the least, and if you are in this group then at least now you know the difference! The second is because it's a lot tougher road to travel on. This can be illustrated by thinking of the roads to success as two lane country dirt roads that are kept up pretty well but still have a bunch of small rocks, some gouges and dips, and a few hills too. These rocks, dips, and hills represent the obstacles you face on your road to success. 

The road of success on the other hand is like an 8 lane highway with no speed limit. So you can go as fast as you want to go, and in any lane you choose. But...this highway isn't travelled by many people so it hasn't been kept up very well. It's filled with potholes, tree limbs, boulders, black ice, stalled cars, and railroad crossings. Also it is very hilly and goes over a few mountain ranges, has areas with lots of sharp twists and turns, goes through some tunnels with very dim lighting, has lots of on and off ramps, and even some detours that eventually lead you back but make you go out of the way for a while before you can get back on the highway. All of these make this road much tougher to travel on than the others. Sure you can go as fast as you want, but if you are recklessly speeding and you hit a pothole you could damage your vehicle. Or if you are going too fast and come to a sharp curve, you could run off the road altogether! Even if you are going a resonable speed, you'll still hit some of the potholes which will give you a little jolt. And when you come to mountains and tunnels, you'll have to slow down a little. Sometimes there might be a boulder or tree limb blocking the road s you'll have to take a detour that you weren't planning on - but if you just keep going then you'll eventually get back on the right road. 

As you travel down this road you'll see others giving up and getting off at one of the off ramps, and you'll see others who have decided to be successful getting on at one of the on ramps. There will be cars on the side of the road because they haven't given up, but they need to rest for a little while so they pulled over; or because they were going too fast, hit a pothole and damaged their vehicle so they had to stop and take some time to fix it; or because they weren't taking care of their vehicle like they should so it's stalled out and they too have to take some time to fix it before they can keep going.

Over the last couple of years I've been on this road of success and have already encountered many of the obstacles on it. But I've also noticed that it gets a little bit easier as time goes on. It's not easier because there are less obstacles, but because I have learned from the ones I have already encountered so I know how to avoid them. Also, as I read books, listen to audio books or seminars, and talk to others who I admire about how to be successful I get better at traveling on this road too. Sometimes I find out a little about what the road ahead of me is like so I'll know what to expect and can prepare better for it, and sometimes I'll find out what some of the obstacles I haven't faced yet look like or where they are so I'll know what to avoid and how to avoid them so I don't have to figure it all out for myself.  

In this blog, I will be writing about all of the things I encounter as I travel down the road of success. I'll write about the obstacles I face, the goals I have and reach, the things I learn, and my plans for the future.  So far since the day I made the decision to travel down this road I've been accepted to, attended, and graduated from the prestigious University of Notre Dame, completed the United States Marine Corps Officer Candidate School which is one of the most difficult basic training program of all the branches of the US military, married an amazing woman, and obtained a supervisory position in a leading solar company where I have much more responsibility than most people my age.  I am not bragging though, I'll be the first to admit that I've made many mistakes along the way. But I still consider myself to be successful because I am still on the road of success, I'm getting better every day, and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life.